


You Lost The Only Thing You Loved

by eversinceniall



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Break Up, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Toxic Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 07:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4820621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin deals with his and Vic's break up, and thinks about their past together and how it all ended,</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Lost The Only Thing You Loved

Kellin's POV

 

Your eyes are brown and I always thought brown was an ugly color, but your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Our love was like a tornado. You were a house, latched to the ground, and I was the whirlwind of a tornado, powerful enough to lift you off the ground. I picked you right up, and when I was done, I threw you away.

Our love was a tsunami. You were the water, steadily rising, and I was overcome by the waves that went over my head and were seemingly endless. You drowned me, suffocated me,

And all we could do was destroy each other.

I wanted us to work out.

At times, I hated you,

God, I hated you.

And all of the time, I loved you...

God, I loved you so much that at times I felt like I would explode, because my love for you was too much to contain inside.

You were everything.

Then we broke up.

Our love wasn't like a tornado, and our love wasn't like a tsunami, because our love, didn't exist anymore.

It was you who ended it. I guess you got fed up with all the pain we caused each other.

We fought a lot. Sometimes it was verbal, yelling insults, and calling each other words that cut like knives. Digging up each other's pasts' and bringing up things that were silently left unsaid and unspoken, because we were too scared to confront them.

Other times it was physical, when we got too mad to contain it. It was never one or the other who started it. Sometimes I'd throw the first punch, other times, you would. Afterwards we'd sit on the floor, black eyes and bruises, and we'd laugh like it was nothing, like everything was okay.

It was never okay, but we acted like nothing had ever happened, like we hadn't been spitting insults at each other just moments before.

We fought, but we always got through it, and at the end of the day it was always better, because I loved you, and you loved me.

I never wanted to lose you.

It was my worst nightmare, and it seems my nightmare has come true.

It's been a few months now, maybe three or four since we broke up.

I miss you.

Sleep used to be my safe haven, a place where you couldn't get to me, but not anymore. Because every time I close my eyes at night, you haunt my dreams.

I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and reach out for you. All I find are the cold empty sheets where you used to lay.

My bed is so empty now that you're gone and I ache for you to be there beside me, holding me in your arms. I feel unwhole.

 

You pop into my mind almost a million times a day, and it reminds me how much you make me want to cry.

All I have left of you is the necklace you bought me for our second anniversary, and a tattered old hoodie you forgot at my place years ago..

So many years together and so many memories I'm always reminded of whenever I enter a room in my house. But yet you left so little behind. Now all I have are the memories.

You were always a distant person, afraid to open up completely.

I remember one time you said that you lose people in life and you don't really care if you do.

I told you that you probably should care because if you kept losing people you'd end up alone.

You said that if I wanted to leave, you weren't going to fight for me to stay.

God, I wanted to shake some sense into you. Did I really mean that little to you?

 

Instead, I told you that sometimes, it's better to fight for the people you care about, instead of acting like you don't give a crap about anything.

You grabbed my hand then. You looked me directly in the eyes and said you never wanted to lose me. Because you loved me, and you'd never loved anyone else. I kept you grounded, you said, I can't lose you.

I swore, you wouldn't. And I meant it. I never wanted to lose you, and I'd certainly never leave you. I swore I wouldn't leave you, but that didn't stop you from leaving me. I really do miss you. 

I used to study your face until all I could see when I closed my eyes were the imprints of your smile and the crinkles by your eyes when you laughed.

It sounds creepy, but I was content to just lay together on my bed in silence, and admire you. I could never get tired of looking at you. I could do it forever.

I'm glad I'm memorized that. The curve of your cheek bones, and your heart shaped top lip.

I'm glad I memorized it, because now I don't have it,

I always wondered why you'd fallen in love with me and not someone else. I wasn't anything special, but you chose me.

The words 'I love you' are so simple, so meaningless. Just like the words 'You're beautiful' or 'You're gorgeous' are just that, words. It's the person who says them that brings the meaning.

My mother tells me she loves me, and I know it's true by the amount of adoration in her eyes,

If a stranger were to tell me they loved me, it'd have no meaning, because I'd know it wasn't true. So when you used to tell me you loved me, I believed you because I saw the love in your eyes, too. Now I can't help but wonder if that was just my own eyes reflecting back at me through yours.

I remember the time I almost left you once. It was also the first time you really opened up about how much I meant to you.

We had gotten into a huge fight, and I was so pissed, I just wanted to end it all right then and there.

Even then, I knew I didn't mean it, that I'd never actually be able to leave you. It was an empty threat, but you didn't know that,

As soon as I reached the door, you spun me around to face you.

Your eyes were wild and intense, and you said the words with so much force and emotion that I practically shivered.

"I love you, Kellin. I love you, okay? And I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry it's taken this long for me to be able to say this, but I don't want to lose you. I'm not saying this because I don't want you to leave, I'm saying it because it's true, I love you, and... I really need you in my life,"

I remember the way I felt. My stomach felt like it was going to fall out of my body and my legs felt weak,

I felt dizzy, but in a weirdly good way, and I was in such utter shock at the words that left your lips.

"Kellin?" You urged, "Kellin, say something."

All I could do was hug you. I practically tackled you in my arms and buried my face in your neck while your hands settled on my waist.

"I love you, damn it.." I whispered in your ear, "You know I love you."

 

-  
The pain only gets stronger. With each day that passes by, the heartbreak and the sorrow intensifies.

I hate you, for doing this.  
I hate me, for letting you.

How could I let you do this to me? I've become what I never wanted to be; a boy pining for someone who doesn't want him anymore.

Every single morning, as I get ready for college, I tell myself that I am okay. It's only at night when I'm left to my thoughts that I tell myself the truth; I am not okay and I might never be.

You're not in my life, and without you I will never be okay.

I don't see you very often. On a rare occasion, we'll pass each other by in the halls 

Your gaze always lingers. 

Since our break up, I've started taking a different way to get to class. I'm shamelessly avoiding you.

When our eyes connect, I'm reminded too much of the love we had.

Sometimes I think about how life would be if we hadn't broken up.

What would it be like if we had built the life we planned to have together?

I try not to think about it too much, because all it brings me is pain.

 

Someday, you'll get married to someone, and you'll fall in love and you'll have kids, and I'll still love you with everything in me.

And it will hurt to look at you because you have never loved me the way I love you. The way you said you did. 

Someone will love you, the way I loved you.

And you will touch them, the way you touched me,

Knowing this kills me inside.

Knowing that I have always loved you more.

Knowing that you were the one who ended us,

You broke my heart.

We started so slowly, so cautiously. We didn't know if we'd work out, because we were so different,

Then we fell in love and all precautions of going slow were thrown out the window because all I could focus on was you, and your charming damn smile. We weren't good for each other. Our love was toxic. But that didn't make me love you any less. 

We loved one another so intensely.

Our love was hotter than a volcano, about to erupt.

Our love was hotter than fire.

Our love was hot to the touch.

And our love, well, our love....

I guess it burned out...


End file.
